


Want You

by lordjenjen



Series: Super Boyfriends [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: And Butters is adorable, Fluff (sort if), High School, Just like a bunny, Kenny gets around, M/M, bunny - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: Professor Chaos, Bringer of Destruction and Doom, has his most diabolical plan to date.





	Want You

Want You

 

Professor Chaos stood in front of a map of South Park. On the map were little red pin marks. Each pin represents a target. A target that needed to be… taken care of. Normally he wouldn’t stoop this low, but they needed to be taught a lesson.

“Who should be the first one?”

One of his minions stopped and looked at him, their cheek stuffed with food. The hamster pulled out a dried kernel of corn, and began eating it.

“Well that just seems rude. I think I will start with the first one.” Professor Chaos flicked a pin. “Yes. You shall be first.”

***

Butters watched as Kenny prepared to break it off with yet another girl. His blond friend had done this often enough that Butters knew what he would say. He would kindly and sweetly tell the girl while their time together was fun, they weren't right for each other. They girl would usually cry about how they thought they had something special.

This time was no different. Butters knew Kenny. He knew what he was searching for.

The girl cried and caused a scene in the hallway.

***

Professor Chaos stared at the map. He removed yet another pin and added it to the ever filling container. A minion ran across the table to investigate the container. He sniffed at it before turning to Chaos.

“Oh yes! How could I forget!” he grabbed a pin and tried to recall where his victim resided. He pulled out his phone, surprised he had service in the storage unit, and looked them up on Facebook. He had never been so happy for stupid people. They had actually filled out all their info and made it public.

“Soon my minions we will have shown them.”

***

“Hey Butters!”

Butters smiled as Kenny sat next to him at lunch. “Hey Kenny. How's it-”

Butter trailed off as Kenny's latest ex walked over to them. Her large bug eyed sunglasses were very distracting. Kenny followed Butters line of sight before quickly turning back towards him.

“Not again.” He groaned. He put on his sweet smile as she approached.

“Can I talk to you in private?” Her voice cracked a little and from his angle, Butters could see behind the glasses that she had definitely been crying all night. He almost felt sorry for her, but she knew the rules going into the relationship.

“Whatever it is, you can say it in front of Butters.” Kenny motioned to the blonde.

She seemed surprised to see him sitting there. “It’s just that, I don't get why you don't want to date me-”

“Let me stop you there.” The girl was startled when Kenny spoke so bluntly yet with a sweet voice. “Do you remember the initial agreement when we started dating?”

“Yeah but, we were-”

“One month.”

“I had sex-”

“And yet I still don't feel a thing other than friendship towards you. And I hope someday you too will feel the same towards me.”

Butters almost felt bad for her as she ran off probably to go cry in the bathroom. Almost.

“I hate when this happens.” Kenny said stealing Butters’ fries.

“Maybe you should stop dating every girl that asks you out.”

***

“Hey Butters!” The blonde smiled as his friends approached. “Have you noticed the girls acting weird?”

Butters tilted his head thinking. “Whatcha mean?”

“Well like they all seem to be on edge.”

“Like back when Garrison was elected?”

“No, then they were angry.” Kenny turned to Butters and smiled. “Dicks out!”

Butters blushed a little and rubbed his knuckles. “Almost forgot about that.”

“Not sure I ever will. Anyways. No. Not like that. More like they are scared.”

Butters looked out at the sea of people. There did seem to be an air of worry. “Why do you think that?”

“Well for starters, they normally travel in small groups of 2-4 girls, however recently, I’ve noticed larger groups of like 10. Not to mention my sister said so.”

“Y-your sister?”

“Yeah. She said things have been happening to girls for the last few months. Like dye in their makeup or body wash.”

“Oh no! That's terrible!” Butters caught the attention of a few people but they quickly returned to their own business.

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad, but what’s worse, is Karen was telling me who some of the victims were and they are all my ex-girlfriends.”

“Now Kenny, surely that couldn’t be it. You’ve dated a lot of girls. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Why would anyone attack your ex-girlfriends?”

“Good question my dear Butters. Why would someone do such a thin? But I’ve looked into it, and the only thing they have in common is me.”

Butters studied Kenny’s face. He could tell the blonde was planning something. He just wish he knew what. They sat in silence until the bell rang signaling the beginning of school.

***

Professor Chaos made sure his cloak covered any bright parts of his costume. He was almost back to his base of operations after his last hit. After this, there was no one left.

He looked around before bolting into the building. Once safely inside, he let out a chuckle, that quickly grew into full laughter. He did it. He was a little disappointed that his best would be kept a secret but that was a small price to pay. He leaned on the table in front of his map and removed the last pin.

“So it  _ was _ you, Professor Chaos.”

Chaos stopped laughing. He slowly dropped the pin into the container before turning to face the intruder. How Mysterion’s cap managed to look so dramatic on a windless night, still baffled Chaos. Perhaps he should have General Disarray follow him with a fan.

“ _ What _ was me?” He knew Mysterion had nothing on him, after all, he had gotten rid of any evidence.

“You know what. Why are you attacking innocent girls? They did nothing wrong.”

Butters lifted his hand to inspect his glove. To anyone else, it looked like a casual move, but the truth was, he was getting into a defensive stance, adjusting the new electrode he recently installed. He leaned against the table and crossed his legs to give the impression he was cool and wanted Mysterion to leave. “Not at all sure what you mean. You know that if I did anything, I would have been shouting it from the rooftops. I take pride in my work, Mysterion. Pride in the Chaos and Mayhem that follow in my wake.”

“Which is why I want to know why you did it. This is unlike you. You caused fear and panic and chaos, yet you aren't claiming the activities as your own. Why?”

Chaos noticed Mysterion shift slightly. He really didn’t want to fight the purple clad man, but he would. He wasn’t about to lose what he managed to accomplish to this fool.

“Like I said-”

“I just followed you from Kal’s house.” Mysterion took a few steps into the storage space and closed the door. “Even from here, I can see the holes in the map from being marked. I bet each of those marks are one of the girls attacked at school.” He took a few more steps closer to Chaos. “You have been targeting specific people. Why? Did they do something to you.”

“No.” Chaos stopped inspecting his glove and turned his attention to the intruder. “No they did nothing to me. But when does that ever matter? After all, I am Professor Chaos.”

“If this wasn’t personal, then why didn’t you enlist your sidekick, General Disarray?”

“He was busy.”

Mysterion took a few more careful steps towards Chaos until he was within slapping distance. “Actually, he was rather upset to learn you hadn’t included him in this. Was it because they wouldn’t date you?”

Chaos pushed himself off the table. He was sick of listening to Mysterion. He would end this conversation now. “You know nothing. You honestly believe I would want to date any of them? You think anyone would want  _ sloppy seconds _ like  _ that _ ? I was a fucking pimp! I could have any woman I wanted!”

“Then it must have been because they had something you didn’t. They all had me.”

Chaos’ hands balled into fists. He didn’t care for Mysterion’s tone and his words had struck a cord. “Wrong again.”

Professor Chaos was a little surprised when Mysterion removed his hood and mask. The blonde reached out slowly, and placed his hands on Chaos’ helmet. Butters was caught off guard as the helmet was removed along with most of his self confidence. Kenny set the helmet and mask on the table. The sound of the metal hitting wood broke something in him. He was no longer Professor Chaos, Bringer of Destruction and Doom. He was plain ol’ Butters.

“Why?” Kenny asked much more gently.

Tears built up in Butters eyes as he tried to hold back his answer. A hand stroked his cheek and with it went what was left of his will.

“They couldn’t appreciate what they had with you! They wanted more! They didn't think about you! They were greedy and rude and they don’t understand you! They think just because you had sex that you owed them a more meaningful relationship! They think because they didn’t put out, you would stay with them until they did! None of them get it! They all caused a scene when you broke up! They all played the victim but they knew! I wanted to make sure everyone thought twice before asking you out!”

“What didn’t they get, Butters?” Kenny whispered, wiping away his tears.

“It’s not about sex! It’s not about first impressions or instantly falling in love! It’s about developing a relationship that will survive any kind of hardship! Not a single one of them tried!”

Kenny leaned forward and kissed Butters’ forehead. He was so surprised by the action he instantly stopped crying.

“All you had to do was ask me out on a date.”

Butters stood there in shock for a moment before refocusing his eyes on Kenny. “You never told me you liked guys.” He said accusingly.

Kenny chuckled. “You never said anything either.”

Butters glared at Kenny for a moment. “I was sent to a conversion camp when we were little! My dad didn’t shut up about it. He still hasn’t. Why do you think he won't let me be alone with you in my room and the door closed.”

“Because he’s an asshole?” Kenny shrugged. “But you never said it. I never believe a thing your parents say. So, you want to go on a date?”

“Holy Guacamole. Kenny is asking someone out.”

Kenny pulled away a bit, as if he was going to leave. “Well, if that’s how you’re going to be, I’ll ju-”

“No! No! I would love to go on a date with you!”

“Okay, but you have to stop attacking my ex’s.”

Butters thought on it for a moment and smiled. “Deal because, I would have to be my next victim.”

“I honestly doubt that, Butterball.”

Butters scrunched his nose at the nickname causing Kenny to laugh.

As he lay in bed, trying to sleep and not think of Kenny's goodnight kiss, a moment from earlier played in his mind.  _ “I honestly doubt that, Butterball.” _ Butters heart stilled as it hit him what Kenny meant.

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to "Want You (feat. Cal)" by Bearson on repeat trying to remember what my original plot from six months ago was. I'm amazing at this game. I never remembered, but this happened instead. 
> 
> Thanks for reading yet another Bunny fic. I swear I have others I just... have to finish.


End file.
